“Honesty is always the best policy”. At least that’s what they say. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying too. But I wonder if we’ve ever questioned the depth of that statement. If we were to take that statement literally, how many relationships/friendships/partnerships, etc. do you think would survive? We receive so many contradictory messages when it comes to how we should conduct ourselves in our dealings with others. You can look at some of the popular sayings below and see the contradictions.
“If you’re not ready to know the answer, don’t ask the question.”
“What you don’t know won’t hurt you.”
“Don’t go looking for what you’re not ready to find.”
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Ok, I don’t know about you, but sometimes what I honestly need to say is not always nice. What’s a girl to do? I think it’s clear to see how so many of us learn to “stuff” our feelings if we were taught these conflicting messages.
Can you imagine that you’re crying on your best friend’s shoulder after a break-up with a guy you thought was the “one”. You look up at her with tear-stained eyes and ask “why did he do this to me?” Now, picture her looking you dead in the eye and with all sincerity says, “well, sometimes you can be a manipulative and controlling brat and he probably just got tired of it”. Wait - what did you just say? Can you imagine your horror? For how many of us would that be our last conversation with that particular friend (right after we gave them a piece of our mind)? Why do we ask questions that we really don’t want the answer to? We just want someone to make us feel better or tell us that we are right. But without correction, how do we learn and grow?
I believe what is key is to look at our motives in what we say to others. Honesty should not be an excuse to become self-righteous and trample upon other’s feelings (we all know those that go around hurting other’s feelings, all in the name of “keeping it real”). The motive in our honesty with those in our lives should be to correct and most importantly to restore us to a place of wholeness.
