Truth Be Told

“Honesty is always the best policy”.  At least that’s what they say.  I’m sure you’ve heard the saying too.  But I wonder if we’ve ever questioned the depth of that statement.  If we were to take that statement literally, how many relationships/friendships/partnerships, etc. do you think would survive?   We receive so many contradictory messages when it comes to how we should conduct ourselves in our dealings with others.  You can look at some of the popular sayings below and see the contradictions.
 “If you’re not ready to know the answer, don’t ask the question.”
“What you don’t know won’t hurt you.”
“Don’t go looking for what you’re not ready to find.”
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Ok, I don’t know about you, but sometimes what I honestly need to say is not always nice.  What’s a girl to do?  I think it’s clear to see how so many of us learn to “stuff” our feelings if we were taught these conflicting messages.
Can you imagine that you’re crying on your best friend’s shoulder after a break-up with a guy you thought was the “one”.  You look up at her with tear-stained eyes and ask “why did he do this to me?”  Now, picture her looking you dead in the eye and with all sincerity says, “well, sometimes you can be a manipulative and controlling brat and he probably just got tired of it”.  Wait - what did you just say?  Can you imagine your horror?  For how many of us would that be our last conversation with that particular friend (right after we gave them a piece of our mind)?  Why do we ask questions that we really don’t want the answer to?  We just want someone to make us feel better or tell us that we are right.  But without correction, how do we learn and grow?
I believe what is key is to look at our motives in what we say to others.  Honesty should not be an excuse to become self-righteous and trample upon other’s feelings (we all know those that go around hurting other’s feelings, all in the name of “keeping it real”). The motive in our honesty with those in our lives should be to correct and most importantly to restore us to a place of wholeness.

Love Will Make You Do Crazy Things

I know when you first saw the topic, you thought I was going to talk about all the crazy things we do for love.  Well I am, sort of.  I want to talk about what happens when that love goes wrong. 

 

This situation has crossed my path quite often recently which got me to thinking.  Then I was just surfing the web when I came across an article where a guy was talking about his struggles with his child’s mother.  She no longer allowed him to see his child because he was involved in a new relationship.  Now it’s obvious to most that she is probably hurt that he’s moved on with his life, which might indicate that she still cares for him.  Or it could be that she just doesn’t like to lose.  Whatever the case, that’s not the love I’m focused on today.  That love is apparently over, but what about love for the child?

Trust me, I’ve been in a similar situation where I wanted to get back at someone who had hurt and betrayed me, but at the end of the day, the mature side of me needed to stand up, be the bigger person and do what was best for the child.  Once we become parents, our children’s best interest should be foremost in our decisions while they are under our care.  Love for your children will make you do the opposite of what’s considered normal or fair, and instead do what is right.  You might have your friends and family egging you on with “that’s right, they don’t deserve to see those kids after what they did”.  However, I’m sure if you took a moment to look inside your child’s heart, you might find that they beg to differ.  Children did not ask to be in the situations that we sometimes find ourselves, but I’m sure if they were allowed to voice their opinions, they would ask that we make the best of the situation for their sakes.  Short of the non-custodial parent doing something that will cause irreversible damage to our children (ie: abuse-mental, physical or any other type, involvement in criminal activity, etc.), I can’t think of a justifiable reason to not foster this relationship instead of sabotaging it.  It can only enhance our children’s overall growth and well-being.  I know some won’t agree with me here, but I don’t believe cheating and not even non-payment of child support (there is a recourse for holding them responsible) are good enough reasons to deny visitation.

I don’t know, you tell me.  Is there ever a reason (beside abuse or criminal activity) to deny a child a relationship with their parent?

A Candid Look

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, meaning a picture should be able to express what words cannot.  I believe this to be true when you’re taking a “still” shot of an object to show someone.  Then a picture will be able to describe the object better than your verbal description can. 

 

However, the same doesn’t hold true when it comes to us?  The way we live our lives should be a mirror image of the truth of who we are?  When you look in the mirror, what do you see?  Do you see yourself as you really are, or do you only see what you allow others to see?

Did you ever notice that no matter what is happening just beforehand, once someone says they are going to take a picture, we automatically smile?  Why is that?  Isn’t a picture supposed to capture the moment?  That’s why I like candid shots, because they really capture what is going on in the moment.  When we are unaware that someone is watching, that’s when we are most vulnerable and true.  It’s as if once we realize we are being watched, we began to smile and pose.  I believe it’s what the kids call “fronting”. 

When we are being true to ourselves and honest with those around us, then our lives should mirror the image that we portray to the world.  And it is possible to have the life that we portray to the world, but it’s going to take some work.  We just have to peel back the layers of masks that we have worn to fool the world.

To be in the moment doesn’t have to be a scary thing.  It can, instead, be an opportunity to grow.  Take a candid look at where you are, not only what you allow others to see, but where you truly are, and boldly determine to change what you don’t like.  For example:

• You don’t have to pretend you have money that you don’t, but can take an honest look at your situation and assess what you can do to change your financial status.
• You don’t have to pretend that you have the perfect relationship.  No one does.  There are always going to be rough times.  However, if there is some issue that needs to be addressed that you simply cannot compromise on, it should be addressed.  If it cannot be fixed, and you cannot live with it, then you have some tough decisions to make.
• If you are not where you want to be in your life, whether it be spiritually, physically, intellectually, in relationships, you have the capacity to change your position.  And you deserve to really have your heart’s desire, not just live through the pretty picture you’ve painted for everyone else to see.